Child arrangements in separation or divorce: Expert comment from amicable
Thank you to amicable for contributing their expert comment on child arrangements in separation or divorce this month, marking Children’s Mental Health Awareness Week from 3rd-7th February.
Introducing amicable
Most parents want to share childcare responsibilities and costs after they separate but don’t know where to start. Anxiety about how your child will cope with your separation can be overwhelming, especially if you’re struggling to make sense of your own feelings at the same time. You may worry that your relationship with your child will suffer or that your divorce will harm their mental health now or in the future.
Trusted advisers at amicable specialise in helping couples put their family first during divorce. They’ll work with you and your ex-partner together to create lasting foundations for your family – you may be living apart, but you’ll always be parents, and this requires organisation, trust and teamwork.
Do you need a legal agreement?
Going to court over child arrangements should be a last resort. In England and Wales, the ‘no order’ principle means the court doesn’t make orders on child arrangements unless it’s in your children’s best interests. Going to court can take a long time, feel intrusive and cost a lot of money. The stress involved can affect your wellbeing and make it harder to co-parent effectively.
Instead, many people draw up a parenting plan between themselves, especially if both ex-partners are on good terms. This way, the parents stay in control of their own child’s upbringing.
Child arrangements often need updating as children grow and their needs change, and revisiting the legal system to make changes can be costly. A parenting plan is a more flexible option.
What is a parenting plan?
A parenting plan is a written agreement between separating or divorcing parents outlining how they’ll co-parent their children during and after their separation. It often includes how you’ll tell your children about your separation, their living arrangements and how you’ll manage holidays or special occasions like birthdays and Christmas.
You can use amicable’s parenting plan template as a starting point. It prompts you to consider how you’ll cover the different aspects of childcare, including your parental values and beliefs.
- What to consider when creating your plan:
To minimise stress, ensure that your childcare arrangements are both practical and prioritise the wellbeing of your child. Do you live close enough to allow for multiple handovers per week? Do your work responsibilities fit in with the proposed childcare responsibilities?
You may find that you and your co-parent agree in some areas, but there may be some issues that aren’t so easy to resolve. Assistance from a specialist like amicable can help if you’re struggling to come to agreements or you’re not sure if you’ve covered everything. Professionals can really help in the early stages of your co-parenting relationship, but advice can also be useful if you experience challenges later down the line.
How to futureproof your parenting plan
Organising practical arrangements is often the simplest part of co-parenting. The greater challenges lie in maintaining those arrangements and then adapting them when difficulties arise or your child’s needs change. This is common – what your child’s lifestyle and preferences are now may be very different in three or four years’ time.
- Maintaining your parenting plan
Many people worry that their ex-partner will struggle to stick to their parenting plan after it’s created. An app like the amicable co-parenting planner can simplify things for everyone. With a shared calendar to record your child’s overnight care pattern and a secure messaging function to keep all your co-parenting communication in one place, appointments, responsibilities and expenses are less likely to slip through the net. Late school pick-ups or forgotten PE kits can all cause your child stress and make their adjustment to life in two separate homes harder.
It also helps to let close friends and family members and any school staff know about relevant details in your day-to-day care plans. You’ll need their support and it helps avoid misunderstandings that may upset your child.
- Adapting your parenting plan
To ensure that your co-parenting plan stands the test of time, it’s often necessary to ask yourselves if your co-parenting relationship is strong and healthy. A resilient co-parenting relationship is built on trust and open communication. You need to be able to problem-solve together and support each other and your child if/when challenges arise in the future, such as school changes, exams or new relationships.
Transitioning from your previous relationship into new co-parenting roles can be difficult for some – professional help setting boundaries or discussing communication styles can be really useful.
Where to get help
amicable’s Separating with Children Service is a flexible alternative to making childcare arrangements through the courts. In your 90-minute joint session you’ll work with an expert on any aspect of your arrangements or co-parenting relationship.
Your specialist can provide expert insight and guidance on how to co-parent effectively and make and maintain your childcare arrangements. You can book a session at any stage in your co-parenting journey – whether you’re yet to share the news with your child or you’ve been co-parenting for years already.
Book a free 15-minute consultation with a co-parenting specialist to discuss your needs and explore your options.
This article has been prepared by amicable for Adroit Legal Services and is not intended to constitute legal advice.
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